Clear To Fire
by roxypony
Summary: Sam's story... UNDER RENNOVATIONS. I'M MAKING IT UN-CRAPPY. One of these days... read if you want, if you like it, subscribe because I want to make it better and more accurate.
1. Clear to Fire

Here goes my first Flashpoint fic! This show is my passion and I've wanted to write this ever since I saw the third episode. Now I know absoultule nothing about the army. The little bit I know is learned from watching either Flashpoint or the News. Anyway, this is basically Sam's story, from the time he accidentally shot his besy friend up to the time he joins the SRU! This first chapter is, like, REALLY short, so I hope to improve on that! It felt really awkward writing this chapter because I really have no idea how they actually snipe targets, but anyway, enough of my blabbing, just read!

I don't own Flashpoint, and the quote is from episode 3.

* * *

_I was taking out targets in a stronghold 1500 meters away. The wrecking was done, I was clear to fire. __We went down to do the I.D.'s, one of them was my buddy Matt. __I was sniping with a 50 cal. He shouldn't have been there. I was clear to fire. _

Each gunshot felt like a second heartbeat. Each heartbeat was pure exhiliration. It wasn't, precisely, shooting people that made Sam Braddock love every shot. It was looking down the scope, finding a perfect target, and hitting it dead-on. Painless and faster than the speed of light. In ending one of these lives, countless more innocent people would be saved.

But Sam didn't think about that. At least, not now. Now, as he leaned comfortably against the a concrete barricade, looking into the scope of his rifle, he waited to be cleared to fire. Seconds turned into minuites.

"What's taking them so long?" he mumbled without moving his lips. The scope was perfectly aligned, the slightest motion could set it off-course.

"I don't know, Buddy, but try to keep the trigger finger calm." the sniper beside him replied.

Sam didn't even have time to smile, because a voice cracked over the walkie-talkie.

" Braddock and Jordy, you're clear to fire."

_Here we go._

* * *

Wow I love Sam and I hope i can portray him pretty damn good in this story because he deserves it!

There should be about 3 more chapters. I'll try to update ASAP. Please review and reccomend! xoRoxypony


	2. Shouldn't Have Been There

Chapter 2 is up! Wow, new Flashpoint fics are going up every day, I'm so happy! There's so much Flashpoint stuff I'd love to write but I just don;t have the time :'(

So for now I'll just content myself by being proud of posting the first ever All-About-Sam fic in the history of the planet!! Hopefully this chapter is believable, cuz I have no idea what goes on in the Military, I'm pretty much guessing here. Anywhee...

**Justicerocks: **Ahh thanks so much! :D you have so many Flashpoint fics up, I'm jealous! (Where do you find the time?:O) Keep them coming and I'll try to add more too!

**li'lmissnitpick: **M hmm yeah the world def. needs more Sam!! Yes Sam is compelling...and so much more...(drools)...So maybe you know a bit more about military stories than me? If i get something wrong, please do correct me! :)

**Lochlyn:** Thank you so much! I'm taking my time on it so it sounds real...glad to hear it does! Congratulations on posting the first ever Flashpoint fic...ahhh how i wish i'd gotten off my ass sooner and asked them to add the category...did you ask them to add it or had it already been added when you posted? Anywho, Thanx a Million!!

**HollywoodFAN: **Thanks so much! :D Don't go getting any ideas, Sam is MINE! (aha, kidding, unfortunately...) :P Yeah I'm so glad theres been so many Flashpoint stories posted in just 1 week! :D

* * *

_"Braddock and Jordy, cease fire."_

Chris Jordy heard the commander's voice over the walkie-talkie, but Sam was so deep into it that he wouldn't notice if a bomb was dropped on his head. Jordy punched his shoulder.

"Dude, we're done! Let's go eat something!"

The young blond sniper flicked the safety latch on his .50 cal rifle, then reached quickly for his binoculars and stared out to the old, half-destroyed building that had been recently confirmed to be a terrorist hideout.

"What's up?" Jordy asked.

"Just thought I saw something out there...When I was shooting...Something that shouldn't have been there..."

"It was just everyday target sniping, what are you talking about?" Jordy wasn't concerned. Sam was way too serious when it came to shooting.

"Chris, who cleared us to fire?"

"Commander Dunbar, I'm pretty sure. Why?"

"I just thought I saw...Never mind..."

"Come on, Buddy, let's get Matt on the walkie-talkie and we'll head back to camp and see if we can find some beers somewhere." Jordy tried to keep the impatience out of his voice.

Sam picked up the walkie-talkie.

"Matty, you there?"

Static.

"Maybe the connection's bad?" Jordy suggested.

"Matt? Dave? Hello? Anyone there? It's Sam and Chris. Hello? _Guys?_" Sam was sounding increasingly tense.

Finally the thing beeped.

"Hey guys, this is Dave. We thought Matt was with you?"

"We haven't seen him." Why was Sam gripping the walkie-talkie so hard?

"Don't worry, he's probably back at camp. See you guys there. Over and out."

Jordy could have sworn he saw Sam twitch as he heard this. He grabbed him firmly by the arm.

"Okay, man, I don't know what your problem is today, but we're going back to camp now! I'm sure Matt will be there, like he said. Maybe he'll even have some beer waiting for us?"

"Sounds great. Let's go."

Sam's smile looked forced.

--

Heading back to camp on the dusty 4-person ATV, Jordy had to ask:

"What's with you today, Buddy? You're freaking me out. Did one of the targets moon you or something?"

"No, man." Sam laughed, but it sounded tired. "Just too much time out in the sun, you know?"

"I know..." Jordy said carefully. "We all know you have issues." he also added, in an attempt to lighten the mood. To his great relief, Sam's laugh sounded more genuine as he playfully punched his friend in the arm.

"But, seriously..." Jordy added. "You're OK, right?"

"Just stop worrying, Chris. You sound like my mom."

"Hey, speaking of your mom, is she sending you cookies anytime soon? The last ones were friggin amazing."

"What makes you think I'll share? And can't your girlfriend help you in the junk food department? Oh yeah, I forgot. She dumped you for some guy in the Navy! Maybe you can get back together with that cute nurse from Base 41? Bet she could whip up some mean chocolate chips."

"In my dreams, Sammy. In my dreams."

Now fairly confident that Sam was perfectly fine and had probably just been hallucinating, Jordy pulled a 360 turn and parked the ATV neatly in the vehicle parking lot of Base Camp 22. The two guys jumped off the ATV and made a beeline to the lunch room, but were stopped by Commander Blake Dunbar.

"Where are you going, Jordy? You're doing the I.D.'s today." the Commander informed them sternly.

"Dude, we just got off a 2-hour snipe shift!" Jordy complained.

_He's going to get kicked out one of these days. _Sam laughed inwardly at hearing their superior adressed as one of the guys.

"Well, _Dude_, it's also your turn to do I.D.'s!" Dunbar stated coldly.

Jordy threw his hands into the air in frustration.

"Save me a beer, Sam!" he called as he headed back to the ATV.

"I'll go help him out, Sir. We'll get it done faster." Sam told Dunbar respectfully. With a nod from the Commander, Sam followed his friend towards the ATV.

--

Doing I.D.'s was without a doubt one of the worst parts of the JTF 2. Each of the bodies had to be identified to one of the mug shots on the list of previously identified criminals. Detailed reports had to be filed on the ones that couldn't be identified. Sam had already done 3 I.D.'s, and was walking towards a fourth body. He knew Jordy was close by, in the next room, separated by a crumbling stone wall of which half remained.

Gritting his teeth, Sam bent down and picked up the wrist of the dead man, checking for a pulse. The guy was quite obviously dead, but it was part of the mandatory procedure. No pulse. He set down the wrist and went to get a closer look at the face...

"SAM! GET OVER HERE NOW!" It was Jordy. After the initial shock, Sam felt a sinking feeling in his heart...

_No... _

He knew it. Deep inside, he knew what he was about to see. He wanted to run. To get away from this dead building, as far away from the JTF2 as possible. As far away as possible from what he knew what was waiting for him. What he knew he had done.

"SAM, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Shaking with fear, he forced himself to move towards the horrified voice.

* * *

Cliffy xD But we already know what he's gonna find... well hopefully you know...if not, well you'll find out!


	3. Why

I was supposed to be doing science homework when I wrote this, but I must say I am considerably more familliar with the fabulous Sam Braddock than I am with balancing equations...

Only 2 people got to review...because of my speedy fast updates!

(Waits for applause...nothing happens...)

You people are so hard to please...

--

**Lochlyn: **Wow I gave someone goose bumps! Thats why I love reviews so much...:D I get goosebumps every time I see Sam...it should be illegal to look that amazing.  
Yeah I had to think for a minuite, but I understood eventually :P I should have just tired that..it would have been so simple. At least your stories are good enough to be worthy of being first! Hopefully mine is worthy of being Sam's first fic!

**Justicerocks:** Lol, no problem, everyone has a social life, some are just more busy than others ;) Giving shoutouts makes me feel popular xD and i personally would rather be at home in my cozy computer room writing fics that out drinking at parties! But maybe thats just me...

--

The next minuite passed in a haze of pain, panic and shock. The first thing Sam saw was Matt, lying on his back with a huge dark bloodstain on his chest. Jordy was kneeling at his head, begging him to open his eyes. Sam heard someone screaming, very close by, but it wasn't Jordy or Matt. With a jolt, he realized it was him. He tried to stop. Tried to think, tried to be calm, tried to do or say something useful. He was dimly aware of a sharp pain in his knees as he crashed to the ground beside Jordy, but it didn't matter. As long as his best friend lay motionless, no amount of pain mattered.

"He's alive...there's a pulse!" Jordy gasped.

Hope flared amidst the horror.

"How bad is it?"

"Sam, this is bad...he's lost so much blood..."

Sam mentally kicked himself in the ass. His fear didn't matter. The seconds were ticking away as more of Matt's blood began to pool on the floor.

"We have to get him back to camp." Sam managed to blurt out.

"He needs a stretcher, we shouldn't move him."

"Ok...you have your walkie-talkie, right?"

"Yeah, it's here..." Jordy groped in his pocket for a moment, then pulled it out. A quick glance revealed that the battery was dead "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" he flung the walkie-talkie against the wall, where it made a loud thunk, but didn't break. The thing appeared to be mocking them as it sat unharmed on the floor.

Sam grabbed him by the shoulder and looked him in the eye. His ice-blue eyes held the gaze of the dark green ones.

"Chris, come on. We have to get him out of here."

"I'm gonna go see how much closer I can get the ATV...just stay with him...I'll be back." Jordy left, looking dizzy.

Sam grabbed Matt's wrist, to check again for the pulse. Just as he was sure it was gone, he felt it. He compared it to his own...Matt's felt _so_ weak.

Sam closed his eyes against the tears he knew were coming...How the hell had this happened...he'd been shooting, and thought for one wild, terrifyting second that he'd seen Matt...he hadn't had time to check twice, so he dismissed the thought and moved on to the next target. After that, he hadn't seen any more faces in detail...it was just point and shoot...no second chances. Why hadn't he stopped shooting and talked to the Commander? Why had Jordy not noticed? Why was Matt even down here?

_And why, WHY was I cleared to fire?_

No. He had to stop. _Why_ wasn't going to help now. He could ask himself the same questions again and again till it hurt, but later.

He held Matt's cold wrist tighter.

"You're not going to die." Sam's voice cracked. And Matt was motionless.

Footsteps behind him on the rough stoney floor. _It had better not be terrorists... _It was Jordy.

"Ok, the ATV is just out that door. We can carry him to it."

"Let's do it." Sam replied grimly.

"Just watch yourself near that wall, theres gas or something on the floor, and it's slippery. The footing isn't so good either."

"It just keeps getting better..."

--

Matt hadn't shown any signs of consciousness when Sam and Jordy lifted him as gently as they could, which wasn't all that gentle. But whether that was a good sign or not, they did not know. What they did know was that he was losing a hell of a lot of blood...

They neared the door. Sam was walking backwards, supporting Matt's upper body. Jordy could see straight ahead, and was directing him. He neared the door. Suddenly, Jordy called out,

"No, go to the left!"

The warning came too late. Sam felt his right foot come down on a sharp rock, sliding off at an awkward angle, and cutting his ankle open. Searing pain shot through every nerve on his body, and he crumpled. But he didn't hear his own gasp of pain as his arm was sliced to the bone on the sharp edge rock, because his head hit the floor, and he blacked out.

* * *

A little short, Yes, Believable, Hopefully, Good, it friggin better be...

I don't know if floors in Kandahar actually do have sharp rocks sticking out of them, but this isn't a floor, really. Its the ground...that just happens to have a buliding around it...? But one things for sure, when I get my hands on that rock, it is going DOWN. No rock injures my Sammy and gets away with it...

Hopefully I'll be able to update soon again...


	4. Awake

Here it is! I cried while writing this chapter. It's long, I'm proud of myself! Hopefully you're as moved as I was!

**Lochlyn:** Muahaha! OOh CPR? I'm so there!  
Sam: (runs away)  
Me: (chases him)  
Enjoy this one xD  
I want MORE updates from you too!! :)

**Justicerocks: **Ahhh any moment when Sam isn't on my mind is an empty moment. My science teacher looked at me funny when she saw me writing SRU on my binder :P They don't understand. When you gotta write SRU on something, you gotta write SRU on something!  
Too late. I already hunted the rock down, smashed it with a hammer, melted it, let it cool, and put it in a box and mailed it to someone I hate. xD You keep updating fast, and I will too!

And guess what else, I got a beta fish and named him Sam the Strategic Response Fish. He can swim through a little hoop. No lie xD.

the song is "Sound the Bugle" by Bryan Adams. I thought it fit perfectly!

Yes, I do own Flashpoint. I wrote and directed every episode, and I eat dinner with David Paetkau frequently. Or at least I did...then I woke up, and I was still locked in a room with my phsycotic art teacher. Maybe next time...

* * *

--

_Sound the bugle now - play it just for me  
As the seasons change - remember how I used to be  
Now I can't go on - I can't even start  
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart _

Slowly and unsurely, Sam slowly drifted into of consciousness early the next morning. At first he was entirely numb. He wasn't sure if he was alive. Had to struggle to remember who he was, but could recall nothing beyond that. Painfully slowly, sensation began flow through his body again. He was lying in a bed, he realised. The soft warm blanket felt comforting against his limbs, which he realised were aching, although why, he did not know. Something scratchy was wrapped tightly around his right arm, and beneath the bandage, there was a distinct throbbing, stinging pain.

And there was a hand, Sam suddenly realised, gently stroking has face, and gliding its fingers smoothly through his hair...Must be one of his buddies playing a joke.

He felt his lips move, and heard his distant voice say quietly, "Dude, stop touching my head..."

And a second voice which did not belong to him, murmured

"Go back to sleep, Sammy."

_"Mom?"_ he whispered incredulously, but did not hear her reply, for unconsciousness drifted over him like fog.

_I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight  
There's nothing more for me - lead me away...  
Or leave me lying here _

The pain was worse the second time Sam awoke. His arm felt like it had been ripped open again, and his head felt like it was being pounded with a sledgehammer, and he felt weaker and more tired than he'd ever been in his entire life.

Opening his eyes, he realised he was lying on his back and staring at the familiar greenish-gray ceiling of his room at Base Camp 22. But why he was lying here in pain was a mystery. Slowly, he worked up the energy to turn his head sideways. It was dark, but he could make out a person, sitting on a chair beside his bed. Sleeping, it seemed. Despite the poor light, he could tell who it was.

"Chris?" Sam said quietly, lifting his good arm and poking his friend in the knee, effectively waking him.

"Sam! You're awake, thank God!"

"What happened?" Sam did not like how weak his voice sounded.

"How do you feel?" Jordy inquired anxiously.

"Fine!" Sam lied. "What the hell happened to me?"

Jordy looked crushed. "You don't remember _anything_ from yesterday? When we were shooting? And then later...with Matt?"

Matt...

_Matt._

And everything came crashing back. Every memory, every horrible detail of the previous day came back in a single moment, drowning Sam. The shooting, the fear afterwards, finding Matt bleeding on the floor, Sam trying to carry him out to the ATV, falling, his flesh being sliced open, his head hitting the floor...

Sam bit his lip to keep from screaming.

"Where's Matt?" he asked desperately.

Tears streamed down Jordy's face, and Sam knew he didn't even have to ask.

"He's gone, Sam. I'm so sorry, it was my fault, I wasn't fast enough, I couldn't leave both of you lying there, but I had to, and by the time I got back, it was too late, and-" Emotion prevented him from continuing.

Sam stared at the ceiling, trying to breathe, trying to comprehend.

Sound the bugle now - tell them I don't care  
There's not a road I know - that leads to anywhere  
Without a light feat that I will - stumble in the dark  
Lay right down - decide not to go on

The silence was forever. Finally, Sam managed to get out,

"Which one of us shot him?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter..." Jordy mumbled awkwardly, rubbing his eyes.

"It matters to me. Please, just tell me, I know you know." his voice cracked.

Jordy gulped, then whispered, "It was a .50 bullet, I was shooting with a .40. I'm so sorry..."

Sam closed his eyes. Jordy put his hand on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault. We were 1500 meters away, there was no way you would have known..."

The words did not comfort Sam. Neither said anything, but both had tears falling from their eyes.

After what seemed like hours, it was Jordy who spoke first.

"Your parents are here, man. Want me to call them in?"

"Not yet..." Sam mumbled without opening his eyes.

"They were in here most of the night. I told them I'd stay with you while they got some rest."

"How are they doing?"

"How do you think?"

"Mom's neurotic and you can't tell what Dad's thinking?"

Jordy smiled humourlessly. "Exactly."

"I'm gonna call them in." Jordy warned him, opening his cell phone. "They were terrified when Raine told them you might have a potentially fatal brain injury."

"Bring it on." Sam said grimly.

_Then from on high - somewhere in the distance  
There's a voice that calls - remember who your are  
If you lose yourself - your courage soon will follow_

Barely a full thirty seconds had gone by after Jordy closed his cell phone when the door came crashing open. The form of Lynnea Braddock was framed in the doorway.

"Oh, Sammy!" she wailed, lurching towards him and sitting awkwardly beside on the bed.

Sam flinched and Jordy stood back as she flung her arms around her son and squeezed him as tight as humanly possible. Preditcably, her husband Ryland appeared cool and unflustered, taking a seat on the chair Jordy had been using. After Sam had gently disentangled himself from his mother's grip, he looked at his father. The two briefly made eye contact, but Lynnea grabbed Sam by the shoulders.

"My poor baby. How are you feeling?"

"Fine-"

"Are you sure? You look pale. Have you eaten anything? Do you still have a fever? I'd better check..." Sam felt too miserable to protest as she pressed her hand against his forehead.

Ryland touched his wife's back.

"Lyn, he's 26. If he says he's fine, he's fine. Just let him rest." he advised.

Sam caught his father's eye gratefully as he lay back down. Behind Ryland, he could see that Jordy was escaping out the door.

"He has a concussion and a fever! He has no idea!" Lynnea shot back.

"You squeezing him isn't going to help."

Lynnea glared, but instead of talking back, she grabbed Sam's hand and held it posessively.

"So...how _are_ you feeling?" Ryland asked

"I just shot my best friend, ripped myself open in two places, I have a concussion, I've been unconscious for 12 hours, and apparently I have a fever. I'm going to sleep now." he responded dully. Ryland frowned.

Lynnea did not appreciate this. "But we just got here! We haven't seen you for months, and then we get a call saying that-!"

"Just go away!" Sam's frustration, exhasution, and grief finally won. All he wanted to do was go back to being unconscious.

Sleep came, but it did not bring the escape Sam longed for. Nightmares tortured his subconscious tirelessly. Even when he did wake up, exhaustion and pain made sure that it wasn't long before sleep took him captive again. People were constantly around him, but eventually he lost track of which were really there when he woke up, and which were waiting for him when he fell asleep...

_It was night, no moon or stars. Sam was leaning against __against the a concrete barricade, looking into the scope of his rifle, waiting to be cleared to fire. _

_"Braddock, you're clear to fire." came an cold unfamilliar voice. Sam shot. It was louder than normal in the dream. Starngely, the noise scared him, when it never had in real life. Yet he kept pulling the trigger, driven by some terrifying force, unable to stop. He yelled incomprehensibly, but there was no one near. Then he heard a scream that was not his own. At the same moment, the field before him was lit with a gruesome red light. A lone figure was lying about a hundred meters away. Sam ran to it. Matt lay face down, blood streaming from his head. He was dead, but Sam could still hear him screaming._

_"You killed me!" Matt's agonized voice echoed inside Sam's head. "You killed me!"_

_Sam was frozen. Even if he'd known what to say, he wouldn't have been able to move his lips._

_"You killed me!" The voice was all around him now. He turned. Matt, Jordy, Dave, Dunbar, Ryland, and Lynnea stood on the dark red sand before him, each covered in blood..._

Sam awoke at last to the sound of his own sobbing.

_So be strong tonight - remember who you are  
Yeah you're a soldier now - fighting in a battle  
To be free once more -Yeah that's worth fighting for_

* * *

Sam: That was mean!  
Me: (hugs him) The worst is over. Mostly...  
Sam: (hides)

Well, between mine, SarahKathryn's, and Justicerock's fics, Sam is not having a very good week! As his mom would say, "Poor Baby..."

Did you like my version of his parents? Was his mom a bit too crazy? I thought she was kinda like me...or what I'd do if I was there with poor Sam...Anyway!

Revieeeeeeew and I'll update faster ;)  
_--_


	5. Raine

Finally I finished this chapter! It would have been up a long time ago, but I dropped everything to write 2 Christmas fics. So glad I've got time again to keep working on this story.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! (All two of you.) Timbits for Justicerocks and Lochlyn!

* * *

Thunder rumbled in the distance and faraway lighting played on the horizon, but Raine Coleman took no notice of it. She ran her hand through her long light brown hair and grimaced-it was full of knots. She hadn't had time to brush it in the last few hours. She'd been in the process of X-raying some idiot who claimed he had a broken rib, but all he'd wanted was a chance to be alone with the only female on Base Camp 22 when she had received news that there had been an accident. Halfway through the X-ray, she'd gotten a call on her walkie-talkie: there was an emergency. Matt had been shot, and Sam had had some accident involving a stray rock. Her first though was _"What the hell has Braddock gone and done this time?" _but when she saw Matt's body, Sam completely out cold, Chris Jordy in total panic, and blood covering all three of them, she almost went into a panic herself.

But, being the only doctor within 80 miles of the remote Base Camp 22, she had to stay calm, stay professional, and just deal with it. Matt was gone. She didn't even have to check for a pulse to know. He was just gone. She'd been friends with him. A less tough girl might have ran to her room and cried, but Raine couldn't even consider that option. Sam wasn't gone, he was alive, and it was up to her to make sure he remained so. Now he was very much alive, despite the concussion, sprained ankle, cut and broken wrist, and that was just the physical stuff. The emotional and mental tolls would be high. They already were. He hadn't slept for more than 5 minuites at a time, because of relentless nighmares coupled with physical pain. In her own personal opinion, Matt was far better off than Sam at the moment...

Surfacing from deep within her thoughts, she glanced at the clock. It was 1 a.m., a day and a half had gone by since Matt had been pronounced dead. She knew Sam was awake, but he'd been silent for a long time.

"You okay, Sweetie?" she whispered into the dark.

"Mhmm..." he mumbled from somewhere behind a pillow.

"You have to get some sleep." Raine pleaded gently. "You can't just stay awake forever."

"Can't sleep."

"Well, you have to." she said, trying to keep her voice light and even. He didn't answer. "You're just going to fall asleep or lose consciousness eventually. You know that."

"I know." he whispered hoarsely. "But every time I try, I see Matt, I see blood, I see everything, only worse! I don't want to live it again, but now I'm gonna have to see it ever night for the rest of my life!" His voice cracked. "You don't know what that's like!"

The emotion in his voice broke her heart. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently.

"Just close your eyes." she murmured desperately. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

"If I scream or anything, please just wake me up?"

"Don't worry." she answered, smiling despite the tears in her eyes.

The ghost of a smile darted across his face, and he whispered, "Thanks."

Sam slept for 30 minuites and Raine was satisfied. When he woke up, his parents were still in a meeting with the senior officers, and Dave and Chris were working, much to their annoyance. Raine had some paperwork to do, but at the moment she couldn't care less. Sam needed someone to take his mind off everything. But Raine was frusturated. She had always been good with people, but nothing she could say seemed to make any difference to Sam...

"Am I going to die?" he asked dismally at about 4 am after yet another painfully long period of silence.

"No!" she said louder than she'd meant to. Sam flinched. "Why the hell would you say that? I already told you, you just have a concussion, two deep wounds, and a slightly sprained wrist."

"What do you mean, _just_? I'm asking cuz it's been more than a day, and I feel worse. That's not how it's supposed to work." he snapped, with a hint of anger in his voice.

"You're not worse. You were unconscious for 12 yesterday, and now you're alert enough to bother me. You're _fine_." she replied fiercely.

"According to you, I have a concussion, two deep wounds, and a slightly sprained wrist! _I just killed my best friend!_ I'm not fine!" he yelled as loudly as his exhaustion would allow.

"I'm sorry...that's a lot to deal with." she apologized shakily, caught off-guard by his protest. "Does it hurt?"

"I can handle it."

"I know you can handle it. What I asked was, does it hurt?"

He didn't answer. She took his hand and gripped it hard.

"I know you're in pain, and you're blaming yourself, and you're scared about what's going to happen next, and you're tired and you want the nightmares to stop, but you can't think like that. You're _alive_, and you have to keep holding on, and I know everything just hurts like hell, but you just have to keep holding on, and-and-" For the first time in a day and a half, she lost her composure and broke down sobbing. Sam gently squeezed her hand. He wished he had the strength to sit up and hug her properly.

"I'm so stupid." Raine whimpered, trying to stem the flow of tears. "I have no right to cry. This is just so...so..."

"Hey, it's okay." Sam whispered. "Don't. Crying's my job. I'm the one that's going to be remembered as the guy who got beaten up by damn rock."

"Don't say that." she snapped hoarsely. "It was a freak accident."

"That doesn't change anything."

"You should get up and walk around." she said, suddenly changing the subject. "Lying here and feeling sorry for yourself won't help anyone."

Sam felt his blood turn to ice.

"How am I supposed to look anyone in the eye after what I did?"

"Sam, no one blames you!"

"How do you really know?"

Raine bit her lip. How _did_ she know? The truth was, she didn't. Matt had been loved by everyone who knew him. Not everyone would accept that his death was an complete accident. She was spared answering when her cell phone rang. It was Chris Jordy.

"Hey, give Sam the heads-up. Leah's on her way. Her plane just landed."

Raine tensed her grip on the phone. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. How's Braddock doing?"

"A bit better. He finally got some sleep."

"That's great. Tell him I'll drop in later. Anyway, Leah just got off the plane. I'll see ya soon."

_Click._

Raine closed her eyes and ran her hand over her face. How was she going to tell Sam that Matt's wife was on her way?

* * *

Sam: I am seriously getting sick of you being mean to me.

Me: Only 3 more chapters. Here, have some Timbits.

_**Review me.**_

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*Roxxy,  
How do you stay so fresh?  
I think cool thoughts.  
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	6. Like A Bullet In Her Heart

She lives! I've honestly had this chapter in the works since befire Christmas, and I got the idea for it way back in October, so the only conclusion I can come to is that...I'm slow!

Anyway, i had my wisdom teeth surgically removed (it was intense) a few days ago, and I'm taking advantage of some days off school and updating some stuff. Yay! I actually proof-read this chapter (OMG SHE PROOFREADS?) so i'm pretty sure it make sense. Wow! If there's any glitches, blame it on my diet of the past few days, consisting of chocolate milk, orange juice, mint gum, and a burger (which hurt to eat but was worth the pain). And I now know what all of these things taste like when combined with blood. And I could go into details about waking up at 4 am, journeying down to the basement for some heavy-duty icepacks, and finding myself on the computer fanfictioning, but I don't want to bore anyone.

So about this here update! Sorry if anyone finds it overly-angsty or dark. but it's impossible to make an event like this into light reading.

The song I used is "Just A Dream" by Carrie Underwood. Not me. Not mine.

I don't own Carrie Underwood, or Sam Braddock, but however I own 80% of Chris Jordy, because he got a mention in ep 7 but no further details, and I definitley own Raine and Leah. But they're not Sam, so whoop dee ding.

*stops rambling*

_

* * *

It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen_

_All dressed in white_

_Going to the church that night_

_She had his box of letters in the passenger seat_

_Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue_

Leah Demar felt like she was walking underwater as she walked down the steps from the cabin of the plane to the dusty desert floor to meet the small group of uniformed men who stood waiting for her. Everything seemed sureal and dream-like. Or nightmare-like. When she reached the ground, the soldiers spoke words to her, but they were meaningless and might as well have been another languag. Matt was dead and nothing would change that.

She wasn't supposed to be here in Afhganistan. Everyone she'd seen or spoken to on her journey seemed to have this thought. But she wasn't about to wait at home for Matt's body. When she'd learned that there was a ceremony to be held at Base Camp 22 for her fallen soldier, she'd known that there was no way in hell she would miss it. Had it only been 36 hours since she'd gotten a knock on her door and opened it to see two uniformed officers with solemn faces, bearing a letter of sympathy? It seemed like weeks had past since her heart had first stopped and she'd crumpled to the ground, sobbing her heart out.

It shouldn't have been a difficult concept to grasp. Matt was dead. Gone. Shot. Yet something was out of place.

As she shook the hand of each of her greeters, she finally found a familliar face: Matt's close friend, Chris Jordy.

"Leah, I'm so, so sorry." he whispered with tears in his eyes.

"What happened to Matt?" she inquired softly, speaking for the first time in several hours.

Right away Chris looked deeply uncomfortable, even pained, which suggested to Leah that something was very wrong here.

"There was an accident. He was shot unintentionally."

"Who shot him?"

"We don't know."

"You're lying." she choked out angrily.

"I'll talk to you alone later." Chris finally replied in a low voice.

Leah felt a chill go down her spine. Who killed her husband?

_And when the church doors opened up wide_

_She put her veil down_

_Trying to hide the tears_

_Oh she just couldn't believe it_

_She heard the trumpets from the military band_

_And the flowers fell out of her hand_

_  
_After 4 painful hours of waiting, paperwork, and phoning relatives, it was finally time for the memorial ceremony. As Leah slowly walked up the aisle in the small chapel to take a seat in the front row of chairs, she tried to stop the tears from pouring from her eyes like rain, but it was impossible. There were trumpets playing somewhere in the room, tears prevented her from seeing exactly where. They played a tragic hymn that bled grief and lonliness.

Finally, in a dream-like state, Leah took a seat in the middle of the front row, ignoring the words of sympathy that came from all around her. With a jolt she realised that she was surrounded by all of Matt's, and her own, close friends. She didn't know what would have been worse, this, or sitting alone? She glanced down the row and observed the 4 people closest to her. She had seen all of them numerous times, and they were practically family. Raine Coleman, with tear tracks on her cheeks, Sam Braddock, who was staring straight ahead as though he was seeing something more terrifying than ghosts, and Chris Jordy, who's eyes were closed in a failed attempt to hide the tears.

And then Leah's eyes fell upon the dark coffin at the front of the room.

_Baby why'd you leave me?_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever, now I'll never know_

_I can't even breathe_

_It's like I'm looking from a distance_

_Standing in the background_

_Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now_

_This can't be happening to me_

_This is just a dream_

Sam could only imagine what could be going through Leah's mind right now. But whatever it was would be nothing compared to when she found out exactly who ended Matt's life, however unintentional it may have been. According to Jordy, she didn't know yet. But she was going to find out. Each heartbeat ticked away the time he had left before she would no longer remember him as her husband's best friend and a close friend of her own, but as the man who took her husband away from her.

_The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray_

_Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt_

_Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard_

_Then they handed her a folded up flag_

_And she held on to all she had left of him_

_Oh, and what could have been_

_And then the guns rang one last shot_

_And it felt like a bullet in her heart_

She remembered the night he proposed to her like it was yesterday. Had it really been three years ago? They'd been hanging out at his house, like they did almost every night. Braddock had been there too, with the girl he'd been dating at the time. She'd forgotten why exactly, but she and Matt had made their way out onto the porch, dancing to a song on her iPod turned up to full blast. When the song ended, he dropped to his knees and pulled his own ring off his finger and asked her to marry him. The idea had just occurred to him that second, and he decided that he didn't want to wait to buy her a proper engagement ring. The newly engaged couple had then stampeded back into the house, Leah screaming and Matt grinning from ear to ear. Braddock, of course, had been delighted for his best friend, and momentarily forgot about his girlfriend so he and Matt could engage in various male bonding activities such as shaking champagne bottles till they exploded, and bodychecking each other. The only soul in the house who didn't join in the party was Sam's girlfriend Jemmy, who looked decidedly jealous, and kept looking irritably in Sam's direction. She and him hadn't gotten together since that evening. Not that Sam cared, he was going to be Best Man at the wedding!

Leah didn't know whether to smile or cry as she played the memory over in her head and played with the engagement ring she still wore on a chain around her neck.

_Baby why'd you leave me?_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever, now I'll never know_

_I can't even breathe_

_It's like I'm looking from a distance_

_Standing in the background_

_Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now_

_This can't be happening to me_

_This is just a dream_

"How are you doin'?" Raine whispered to Sam as the heartbreaking hymn ended.

If he had a nickel for every time he heard that. He didn't bother answering, he could lie and say fine, but she would of course know he was lying, then she would proceed to worry about him. Or he could tell her straight up that he was damn un-fine, causing her to worry all the more, because he'd have to be disturbingly un-fine to admit that he was un-fine. So he didn't bother answering.

Despite her hand around his, he allowed his mind to rise far above this hell, somewhere where his gang could be his gang again. Where himself, Matt, and Chris could go back to being the Golden Trio who all the girls wanted and all the guys wanted to be (at least in their minds). When Sam and Chris secretly envied Matt and Leah's perfect marriage. (Wedding fantasies aren't just for chicks.) The memorable day Sam and Raine had lunch together, and Chris and Matt secretly watched the whole thing. The time they'd illegitimately raced a few ATV's a kilometer across the sands. Leah's botched attempt to hook Sam and Chris up with her two single best friends. The danger they'd faced side-by-side, laughing and crying together so many times, all the holidays and birthdays and just normal days they celebrated together-

"Braddock."

Raine's voice pulled Sam up and out of his blissful thoughts, reminding him of the sensation of breaking the surface of a crystal-blue pool. Bliss holds no oxygen, so returning to reality, no matter how hellish, is always inevitable.

The service was over, he realised. Teary-eyed well wishers were making their way out the back of the chapel, blowing their noses and talking in hushed voices. But Sam's eyes were on the front of the room, the dark coffin draped with the Canadian flag, and the slender body bent over it.

_Baby why'd you leave me?_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever, now I'll never know_

_Oh, now I'll never know_

_It's like I'm looking from a distance_

_Standing in the background_

_Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now_

_This can't be happening to me_

_This is just a dream_

Chris Jordy took a deep breath to steele himself, then motioned Sam and Raine to stay back for a moment as he slowly walked up to Leah's broken figure. He stopped slightly behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him, her face hard and unreadable. Onlt the back of Jordy's head was visible to Sam, but everything he said was written on Leah's face as her dark eyes fell on the one who killed her husband. Her hand instinctively ran through her hair as it always had when she was emotional. One diamond-like tear fell from her eye, and a split-second later, she was coming towards him with a heartbreaking blend of grief, anger and confusion etched on her beautiful face. Sam didn't know whether to go towards her, to retreat, or simply to stand and allow what would come to come.

Her face was two feet from his.

"Leah-"

_WHAM._

As slim as she was, sheer emotion gave her punch enough power to send Sam staggering back several steps.

_"What the hell did you do?"_

But the truth was, he couldn't answer that. He was still asking himself the same thing.

_"WHY?"_ she screamed, dealing a second blow to Sam's face. In all honesty, her hard fists hurt like hell, but he couldn't bring himself to fight back or try to escape the attack. _"WHY? WHY? WHY?" _Her agonized cries continued along with the physical assault. _"YOU KILLED HIM!"_

He didn't say anything. What could he have said? Somehow he knew that "Sorry" wouldn't cut it. He set both his hands on her shoulders, both in an attempt to comfort her and to keep her from punching him again.

"Leah, please..."

Her body finally went limp in his hands. She slowly raised her head and truly faced him for the first time in months. He gently brushed the hair out of her face so he could truly look her in the eye.

"I swear I don't know how this happened." he was unable to keep his voice from cracking.

"You were his best friend." she replied in an equally broken tone.

"I know."

"I can't believe he's gone."

"I know."

"N-no you d-don't, you have _no_ idea!" she broke down again. _"He was my husband!"_

She would have collapsed had Sam not wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. To his suprise, she didn't protest, just pressed her face against his chest until he could feel her tears on his skin, her convulsize sobs feeling like a second heartbeat.

They stood locked together for an indeterminate amount of time before Raine joined them, wrapping one arm around Leah, and laying her head on Sam's shoulder with her other hand on his back. Jordy wasn't far behind her, his embrace completeing the tangled web of arms and bodies united by grief for a husband, friend, and brother-in-arms.

The only dry eyes in the room were Sam's. He had no tears left to cry.

_Oh, this is just a dream_

_Just a dream_

_Yeah, Yeah _

_

* * *

_OMG OMG OMG *jumps around like rabid fangirl* 2 MORE SLEEPS TILL ACTUAL NEW EPISODE! WHEEE!!Do share what you think is gonna happen =)

about 2 more chapters of this story to come, I'm thinkin.

--------  
*Roxxy,  
How do you stay so fresh?  
I think cool thoughts.  
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